Zedd to Wed Tondelayo, The Lucky Girl!

Originally published in the April 1983 issue of the Collector and Emitter.

In a social announcement that stunned the world and sent Worsens Wear Daily into a veritable tizzy, the parents of Tondelayo Schwartz, blonde, nubile, 20-year-old QSL secretary to the great Q. R. Zedd, told the world this week that Tondelayo will marry the great DXer in June.

The wedding is scheduled for Honor Roll ranch, just a hoot and a holler south of Norman, scene of some of Zedd’s greatest DXing feats and the recent site of his great showdown with Bill Blast, proprietor of the famed Blast Off DX Net.

The date is June 18, the time 9 a.m.

The announcement, which was played as the lead story on all three major networks’ evening news programs, came from Tondelayo’s parents in the famous resort city of Moose, Okla.

“We are just so thrilled,” Mrs. Schwartz burbled, dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief. “We always knew Tondelayo would do well, but we never dreamed she would catch the greatest, finest, truest DXer ever lived.”

“He’s a good old boy,” Mr. Schwartz, a retired floppydisk coater, added. “I’m a CBer myself, but I know genius when I see it, and he is IT.”

Rumors had flown for months, growing more frequent and insistent as Zedd’s DX activities seemed to trail off and he was seen mooning around Tondelayo’s electronic keyer and sighing over her logbook entries only last month, Zedd’s mother, Mrs. Constance Wilhemena Zedd, of Mena, Ark., speculated that things could be getting serious between the pair.

Over the years Zedd’s name was linked with many famous and beautiful women, including Theda Bare, the incomparable Mae Bush, Mae West, and Dame May Whittey. It was once reported by an infamous Hollywood scandal sheet that there were more reasons than met the eye for his employment as an electronics consultant for the “Bolero” segments of the motion picture “10.” Zedd was said to be the Elmer for Marilyn Monroe when she passed her Novice test in 1955 and an embarrassed FCC promptly gave her a General Class license on the grounds that she was no novice.

Contacted in the jungles of Sumatra, where he was taking a brief DX vacation, Zedd said via high-speed CW, “GLD CNFM RPT ES VY HPPY TO SAY MARRYING TOND IN JN BT BT UR 599 599 JUNGLE CAMP SUMATRA, QSL? BK”

Tondelayo was not available for immediate comment. She was said to be in New York, picking out her trousseau and new rigs for the honeymoon junket.

Blast, famous west coast DXer whom a few fools consider a big dog, commented, “I am glad for old Q. R. I hope she keeps him so busy he misses a few contests. That’s off the record.”

Boris Badenov, Russian DX star who locked horns with Zedd in the last RadioSport and at Ham Holiday in Oklahoma City, cabled his comments as follows:

IS GOOD THING FOR DX WORLD GET ZEDD MARRIED STOP WILL MAKE HIM HAVE TO WORK FOR LIVING LIKE RUSSIAN SUPERSTARS WHO ARE ALL IN ARMY IN PLACES LIKE AFGHANISTAN MAKING WORLD SAFE FOR COMMUNISM STOP I WILL HONOR THIS WEDDING WITH MY PRESENCE STOP I HOPE HIS HAPPINESS WILL NEVER STOP STOP

IS SIGNING WORLD’S GREATEST DXER BADENOV STOP

PS NATASHA SAYS SHE WILL COME TOO AND IF ANYONE GET SMART STICK THEM WITH HER KNIFE STOP HAVE OREOS AND COORS READY STOP

No word had yet been received by other radio notables such as Dingfod Armstrong and Bill Buckeye.

Reaction elsewhere was staggering. In London, a beautiful stage actress and DXer, Constance LaRance, threw herself from her fortieth-floor hotel window and probably would have been seriously hurt had she not fallen directly on a passing Toyota. In Tokyo, a famous radio company announced a kilowatt transceiver to be sold to commemorate the wedding. It will be called the ZT (for Zedd and Tondelayo) 103. And in Washington, the president said he hopes the couple will be very happy, and stay the nuptial course.

“I’m so thrilled I could just croak,” said Zedd’s mother, Mrs. C.W. Zedd of Mena, Ark. “That sly devil! I knew they were doing more in that radio room than working BV2A!”

Mrs. Zedd said she would be at the wedding with bells on. She cancelled plans to compete in the world big bike races in Rangoon, and said she would come to Norman from Arkansas on her Kawasaki 1000, rain or shine. “The way I drive it,” she joked, “no raindrops could catch me.”

Rumors about a preacher for the ceremony were already rampant. It was known that the Zedd family has been in touch with Rev. Billy Graham, and for music the Mormon Tabernacle Choir has already issued a press release saying it is available.

More details were coming forth by the hour, but the demands of pressure journalism, as practiced at the C&E, precluded later deadlines. We can only say editorially that Tondelayo is, of course, a mighty lucky girl. We await honeymoon plans with bated breath.

— KU5B


Believing that what DX has brought together no person should mess with,

And with faith in true love and an abiding belief in the CW requirement for amateur radio licenses,

Mr. and Mrs. Herman Schwartz, of Moose, Okla., proudly announce the impending wedding of their nubile, 20-year-old daughter,

TONDELAYO SCHWARTZ,

to the right hon. only holder of a modern lx1 callsign, A5A,

Q.R. ZEDD,

son of the late Zepp Zedd (of DX fame) and Constance Wilhemina Zedd, of Mena, Arkansas,

with holy nuptials to be held

SATURDAY, JUNE 18, 1983,

at 0900 local

at Honor Roll Ranch,

just a hoot and a holler south of town.

You are invited.

RSVP