Originally published in the May 1983 issue of the Collector and Emitter.
Last month the DX world (and most of the rest of the civilized planet) was stunned and delighted to learn at last that the rumors are indeed true. Q. R. Zedd, Oklahoma’s own world champion DXer and only holder of a modern lx1 callsign, A5A, will wed Miss Tondelayo Schwartz, his blonde, nubile, now-20-year-old QSL secretary.
The nuptials are scheduled for June 18 at Zedd’s Honor Roll Ranch, just a whoop and a holler south of Norman. Invitations, in plain language, CW, and ASCII, have been sent. The lucky few hundred who will attend the social event of the DX season are already making their plans, and there are rumors that the event will be telecast through special arrangements with CBS Television in conjunction with AMSAT.
Virtually on the eve of the grand event, we were privileged to visit Honor Roll and see some of the preparations. And what a sight it was! Pink carnations will adorn every tower and mast; special CW versions of Zedd’s favorite songs, “Red Sails in the Sunset” and ‘Boomer Sooner,” will be broadcast from a hundred special loudspeakers, The helicopter landing pad is already in place for the arrival of such dignitaries as the Rev. Billy Graham, who will officiate, and famed DXers Boris Badenov, Soviet Union; Bill Blast, proprietor of the justly famous Blast-Off DX Net; Dingfod Armstrong of Texas, and Shawnee’s own W5NUT/PJ7. Rumors that the president will attend have drawn an official “no comment” from Walter Cronkite, brought in by Zedd as the official news spokesman and PR man for the event. It is known, however, that the entire ARRL in Newington will be closed for two days to allow that organization to attend en masse.
Zedd himself, relaxing in Levis, a faded blue workshirt and lizard boots, met us at the door to the ranchhouse and escorted us into his comfortable den, away from the maddening clatter of the rigs. The lovely Tondelayo, demurely clad in a pale fuscha sundress cut at mid-thigh, with five-inch silver spikes, awaited us there. Zedd (who never touches the strong stuff or allows a dirty word to cross his lips) served tomato juice cocktails and we settled in.
“Mr. Zedd,” we said, justifiably nervous in the presence of such greatness, “the world is agog about the impending nuptials. Can you and the lucky girl tell us how this romance boomed and finally reached this happy conclusion?”
“Sure, boy,” Zedd smiled, stuffing tobacco in his meerschaum carved in the likeness of Marconi (his maternal great-grandfather). “Tondelayo is the sweetest, purest, nicest, truest girl that ever lived, just as I am, if I say so myself, the finest, truest, greatest DXer ever lived — in the words of the song about me, don’t you know — and so I decided it was only logical for us to get ourselfs hitched. Besides, predictions are for a major downswing in the sunspot cycle in mid- to late June, with many solar flares. For that reason I won’t have much else to do anyway.”
“I understand you proposed via amateur radio?’
“Yes, sir, I did, I sure did, uh-haw. You see, Tondelayo was working the No. 2 position in a contest, and I was of course No. 1 and something busted and my rf started getting into her receiver, and she was so sweet about it, my heart just plumb melted, and right there, while I was QRMing her, so to speak, I decided why not, so I ast her.’
We turned to the blushing bride-to-be. “Tondelayo, you must be thrilled about this wedding.”
“Mah goo’ness!” the darling girl gushed. ‘Ah guess ah’m the LUCKIEST girl in the whole wide world! O. R. is jus’ the DARLINGEST man, an’ I jus’ love him to PIECES!”
“Are there plans for a honeymoon trip, Tondelayo?”
“Why, yay-usl We plan to visit the headquarters of Ham Radio, don’t cha know, an’ then go by the station at the UN, an’ for a really BIG thrill, we’ll go from there straight to the World Crystal Set Museum in Patterson, New Jersey.”
“It sounds indeed like an idyll, Tondelayo. But now let me ask both members of the happy couple a question. Will the president be in attendance?”
“Ah believe –” Tondelayo began, but Zedd gently put his hand over her mouth, effectively making her go conversationally QRT.
The great one then told us, “It would be premature to initialize any public conceptualization to the effect that a visit, nuptialwise, was being contemplated or considered, as it were, by any high official of the government. You understand me, boy?”
We thought we did. It seemed clear that Zedd was speaking for the record in carefully couched government language that must have been prepared for him at the highest levels of Washington.
We were left with our speculations. When Oklahoma’s greatest DXer begins talking like General Haig, can the president be far behind?