Originally published in the June 1983 issue of the Collector and Emitter.
The eyes and ears of the world were alert this week for news of the wedding on June 18 of the greatest DXer in history, Mr. Q. R. Zedd, of Honor Roll Ranch, Norman, and Miss Tondelayo Schwartz, nubile, blond, 20-year-old former QSL secretary to the great man and recently voted the cutest graduate in the history of the Harvard Business School.
The ceremony, with the Rev. Billy Graham officiating, will be held in the linear room at Honor Roll Ranch starting at 10 a.m. The Mormon Tabernacle Choir and Lawrence Welk will provide the music. Donnie and Marie will serve punch.
Dignitaries from around the world have already begun to descend on Norman, giving the local Holiday Inn a brisk run. Among early arrivals were Kenny Rogers, the great folk singer who last year made “The Ballad of Q. R. Zedd” a national hit after recording it at Ham Holiday; Bill Blast, of the daily Blast Off DX Net; Dingfod Armstrong, famed Texas DXer; the president and first lady; Queen Elizabeth; George Steinbrenner, and W2NSD/1.
Elizabeth Taylor and her entourage were also in the area, but chose to camp out at Lake Thunderbird along with Lee Radziwell and Truman Capote.
Order of service for the nuptials will be as follows:
- Arrival of guests.
- Music by the Choir. (Selections will include “Fugue for Keyer and Bug, in B”; “The Q. R. Zedd Symphony’ in D”, and “Ah, Sweet Mystery of DX”, by Verde.
- High-speed CW demonstration on videotape by Mr. Zedd.
- Tap dancing by Miss Schwartz.
- Music by the Welk orchestra, featuring accordion and dancers with set smiles.
- Slides by AD1S.
- Entry of the wedding party.
- Nuptial ceremony.
- Remarks by Rev. Graham.
- Departure from the linear room.
- Closing music by Donnie and Marie. Following the service, the reception will be held in Mr. Zedd’s main living room, which seats 400.
Excitement was generated earlier in the week by the arrival of the great Russian DXer, Mr. Boris Badenov, together with his brunette, nubile, 19-year-old QSL assistant from Box 88, Natasha Bullwinkle. Badenov had no sooner landed his Ilushyn 230 aircraft at Norman’s Max Westheimer Field than Twinkie stock went up 31 per cent and all central Oklahoma stores reported they were sold out of Coors.
“I am mighty proud to see Boris here for the little shindig,” Zedd said. “We need to include the younger fellows in our social life.”
“That Natasha is such a honey!” Tondelayo added. “I just hope this time she gets time to go by the Salvation Army and improve her wardrobe a little. Mah goo’ness, maybe it’s aw right in Russia to wear army boots with your flour sack sundress, but in this country it’s considered a lil … tacky.”
“Is least I could do, come this decadent country once more, honor this man — what is his name? — Zipp? — Sap? — on his marriage,” Badenov said. “In great Mother Russia, marriage is fading custom, but we understand how it is with how you say backward peoples, da?”
“I will stick her with my knife!” Natasha said of Tondelayo, brandishing a small plastic stiletto recently removed from a box of Crackerjacks.
Zedd’s momma, Mrs. Constance Wilhemina (CW) Zedd, of Mena, Ark., arrived several weeks ago on her Kawasaki 1.000 with the pop-up hf quagi and handlebar keyer assembly. She reported working 124 countries on 40 meter CW between Fort Gibson and Midwest City, where she went QRT in anticipation of her arrival at Crossroads Mall, where she stopped to pig out on hot pretzels and Orange Julius.
“I am so thrilled by all this I.just can’t see straight, ya’all,” Mrs. Zedd, clad in a form-fitting purple leotard outfit from Fredrick’s of Hollywood, told the assembled press. ‘Ya know, I have longed for a grandchild, and now I have hope again. think Tondelayo ‘is a darling child, and everyone knows that Q. R. is simply the greatest, kindest, truer DXer ever lived (in the words of the Ballad of Q. R. Zedd), and they make a lovely couple.
“I only wish my dear husband, Zepp, could have lived to see this day,” Mrs. Zedd went on, “But as you all know, poor Zepp died in that avalanche in China during our Dxpedition long ago, and none of my later husbands has been worth a hoot, which is why I told all of them to get lost. I just know that my darling Zepp is sitting up there in heaven someplace, his golden logbook on an operating desk of silver and diamonds, working the celestial DXCC list with vigor and vim and looking down on us and sharing with us in our happiness.”
In answer to a question from a Florida-based scandal sheet, Mrs. Zedd said she did not believe reports that Tondelayo was pregnant.
“Both my son and Tondelayo believe in the old moral values,” Mrs. Zedd said in a huff. “And also, they have been busy contesting for the last several months running.”
Special press facilities have been set up at the University of Oklahoma’s Owen Field for the world’s reporters flooding in to cover the event. Among publications early to arrive were Time, Newsweek, Fortune, 73, Byte, QST, CQ, National Geographic, W, the RSGB Radcom, and String and Twine Journal.
The Cora C&E planned avalanche coverage by Olde Joe Harding, KU5B, N5MS and special sidebars by WA5RPP. All this special coverage will be available in the memorable July issue.