Originally published in the August 1983 C&E.
DXers around the world set new records for coffee-drinking and staying awake this month as they waited for the first transmissions from Vietnam, the long-absent XV prefix, with the great Q. R. Zedd at the controls. Faithful readers (if any) will recall that Zedd’s long-awaited wedding to Tondelayo Schwartz, his blonde, nubile, 20-year-old QSL secretary, was interrupted right smack dab in the middle of the homily by Rev. Billy Graham last June 18 when word came that the Viets would allow activation of their country for Dx purposes if Zedd would lead the expedition. Zedd, Russian DXer Boris Badenov, Bill Blast of the famed Blast Off DX Net, and Bill Buckeye, the Ohio immortal, were last seen departing Honor Roll Ranch draped all over Momma Zedd’s motorcycle like sausages in a butcher shop. These five great DXers made it to Oklahoma City’s Will Rogers Airport in record time, and made a flight to San Francisco, where they connected with a DCA (Dirty Communist Airlines) flight for Vietnam. Since then, the world has waited for the opening of the DXpedition. It is expected momentarily, and Yagis from coast to coast in this country have glowing red tips as big guns tune up in anticipation of the pileup. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, things have begun to return to normal. The president has flown west to recuperate at his home place, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir is back in Utah, the other celebrities have winged away, and Donnie and Marie are once again hawking fruit drinks in Hollywood. Poor Tondelayo, once again alone, was found trouble-shooting an amateur radio satellite that Zedd plans to launch early next year. Ignoring the intense summer heat •as well as she could in the electronics tent sheltering the two-ton bird, the dear girl wore a linen tool apron over her tiny yellow bikini with matching spike heels. Her hair was tucked under the headset she was wearing,’ the better to maintain a watch on the bands for her beloved. Tondelayo is still torn up about the Vietnam gig and the way her wedding got cut off in the middle. She asked us not to quote her directly because she said she might not express herself as clearly as normally, given the emotional strain, and might disgrace her beloved Zedd, not to mention the Harvard Business School, which recently voted her the cutest graduate in history. Tondelayo said she understands Zedd’s departure from the wedding because she will be available any time, as most women are for the Great One, while Vietnam might change its mind. She said Momma Zedd felt bad, but wired from San Francisco as follows: DON’T FEEL BAD, KEED, WE’LL WORK 70K FOR YOU. MOMMA. Alas, Tondelayo was not the only girl left behind. For as we were talking, who should stride into the tent, wearing Russian army knickers and a crimson swimsuit bra, but Natasha Bullwinkle, frequent companion of Boris Badenov, the Red ace also off on the expedition. “No, I don’t worry about Boris,” Natasha said in reponse to a question. “I don’t got time, and he is not needing worry frfom me or anybody. He is greatest DXer in world, and you better print that, boy, or I am going to come to your house some night and stick you with my knife.” Was Natasha enjoying her stay at Honor Roll Ranch? “Is okay, I guess, for filthy
capitalist country, but three times they run out of Colorado KoolAid and two times — two — is truck with Twinkles late from Purcell. They better shape up with better hospitality, boy, or I am going to have to stick them with my knife!” The South Canadian Amateur Radio Society had a meeting to talk about Zedd’s latest adventure, and all agreed it is wonderful. The program featured KB5EK telling people how to work Zedd’s XV expedition on five bands and two or three modes, and I suppose it was a grand talk but no one” stayed awake to find out. Meanwhile, in Vietnam, NSPS (Nasty Socialist Press Service) reported that Zedd and his party had arrived in good shape on June 22, and were to be given a tour of the country before being, turned loose to DX. They had a wingding on June 24 at the Bomb Crater Hotel in Hanoi, and on July 3 witnessed a championship soccer game at Agent Orange Meadows in the countryside nearby. By the 10th of July it was reliably reported that the party was assembling gear for the DXpedition to start, but an unfortunate turn of events involving shooting between the peace-loving people of Vietnam and the peace-loving people of two or three neighboring countries. However, NSPS sent a special communique to the ARRL which read in part: We will guarantee the safety of the DXpedition just as surely as we have guaranteed free elections for all the people of Vietnam.” The RSGB Radcom, meanwhile, reported that the Zedd party might not have good radio equipment to work with. But the editor recalled the time Zedd Worked 34K on QRP CW from Spratly, using a rig he built out of a cigar lighter and two flashlights. “Fear not,” he noted. “The great Zedd will come through.” In Russia, Tass said Boris Badenovwas in charge of the expedition. And so the world waited.