Originally published in the November 1983 C&E.
Bells pealed in churches throughout the world last week, women fainted and strong men wept, the United Nations declared an international holiday, and Coors stock went up sixteen points on Wall Street. The rejoicing and return to world optimism came about as a result of news bulletins stating that Oklahoma’s great Q.R. Zedd, the finest, truest, greatest DXer who ever lived, had been found alive and well in Vietnam. A home-made crystal transceiver strapped to his chest with sticky stuff from a bamboo tree, the magnificent Zedd strode out of the jungles into the village of Ar Eff, near the Cambodian border, on October 13. He carried an electronic keyer constructed out of a broken beer bottle, pieces of an old army field kitchen, and fragments of bone from an ancient water buffalo. He also had an empty gin bottle. With Zedd were his sainted momma, Constance Wiltiemina Zedd, of Mena, Ark; Bill Blast, of the famed Blast Off DX Net; Bill Buckeye, Ohio DXer and confidante of Woody Hayes, and Boris Badenov, Russian amateur radio ace. All were pronounced in good health by local officials, although Badenov was said to be suffering from potentially terminal Twinkie Syndrome when first taken to the hospital. Three cases of the banana-flavored confection were flown in from Australia, and he quickly recovered. In Zedd’s own words, here is the story of the expedition: “Well, we were going along all right there, and then all heck busted loose. Mortar shells started coming in and all, tearing up °tie camp, so we high-tailed it for the cliffs where, we hid out a while. Too bad, but’our radio stuff got blown up. “Well, aftethe smoke cleared and all, we decided we might as well tough it out, we had come this far, so I collected some trash around the area and made a one-watt transceiver, which was difficult because I didn’t have a soldering iron or any wire. But it worked OK. Then this typhoon came in and blew down our dipole, which had got to be a nuisance anyway since it was made of kite string and I had to climb them hundred-foot trees every thirty minutes to pour more salt water on it to make it conduct and radiate, don’t you know. “That was when we decided to pack it in and call it a day. We worked about 25K, scratching the calls and times on tree bark with a busted pocketknife. So we started out. But on the way we ran into some natives that were real pore and didn’t even have TV, so .I stayed there a few days and made them a 3atellite receiving station and a few simple sets so they could enjoy theirselfs. They changed the name of the village after me. “And that’s about all there was to it. I’m sorry people got worried.” Badenov, waiting transportation back to Moscow, had a different version. He said Zedd was a capitalist swine who panicked at the first sound of gunfire, and he (Badenov) saved the expedition by rationing their beer and Twinkies. Badenov also had some nasty things to say about the others on the DXpedition, Momma Zedd, Bill Blast, and Bill Buckeye. For a family publication these comments are not appropriate. Momma Zedd was a different story. “They should rename the country after my boy,” Momma Zedd with characteristic modesty, relaxing on a Hanoi balcony in a crimson silk kimono, slit to the hip, silver spike heels hiked up on the bamboo railing as she did her nails. “He probably prevented a war by getting us out of there when he did,-and then he carried through on making XV available to the world’s deserving again, and then he saved all our lives. And all that Russky was was sit around and moan about not having any beer, and Bill Blast complained about no air conditioning, and Bill Buckeye moaned and groaned about injustice and Woody all, the time. “I tell you,” Momma went on, if there ever was any doubt, this proves it. My boy IS the greatest!” . At Honor Roll Ranch, just a hoot ‘and ‘a’ holler south of Norman, Tondelayo Schwartz, blonde, nubile, 20-year-old QSL secretary-to Zedd, as well as his intended, ordered a 30- pound turkey slain and readied for the celebration. “Ah j us’ don’t thank’ I’ve EVER been’ happier!” Tondelayo gushed. If an editorial note may be allowed in view of the enormity of the events which had transpired, it must be this: Surely it is time for Oklahoma to take some official note of the splendor it shares as a result of having the great man in our midst. Texas has the Alamo. Washington has the cherry blossoms. Lancaster, Ohio, has a statue of William Tecumseh Sherman. WHAT does Oklahoma have? To be sure, it has the Will Rogers Memorial and other wonderful shrines, But surely it is time to memorize the great Q. R. Zedd. A modest 200-foot stautue might be appropriate, about where the statehouse now stands. We ‘think it should hide a multiband antenna, and include a dozen, or so ham stations, along with a Wendy’s and a cigar, stand for the tourists. But details can be worked out by an international commission especially chartered for that task. Ours: is but to call for this needed, this overdue, this certainly warranted action. • . – . . ,,