Originally published in the November 1986 issue of Collector and Emitter.
The words are not original with him, and have even… we think… appeared in C&E some time in the past. But during this early holiday season it seems fitting to share with our devoted readers a bit of philosophy that is displayed prominently, in needlepoint, in the living room of the greatest DXer of them all, Mr. Q. R. Zedd, A5A.
It was Momma Zedd, the darling of Mena, Ark., who prepared the wall hanging for the living room of the great man’s ranch, which is just a hoot and a holler south of town.
“I don’t know who first came up with them words,” Momma told us on 40 meter phone the other night. “But whoever it was, fie was great. it might have been my late husband, Zepp.”
At any rate, with apologies to those who have read the original in Zedd’s living room, or somewhere else, here are the immortal words of advice.
BEWARE of the lightning that lurketh in an undischarged capacitor, lest it cause thee to be bounced on thy buttocks in a most ungentlemanly manner.
CAUSE thou the switch that supplies large quantities of juice to be opened and thusly tagged, so thy days may belong on this earthly vale of tears.
PROVE to thyself that all circuits that radiateth and upon which thou worketh are grounded, lest they lift thee tp high frequency potential and cause thee to radiateth also.
TAKE care that thou useth the proper method when thou taketh the measure of high-voltage circuits so that thou dost not incinerate both thee and the meter; for verily, though thou bath no account number and can easily be replaced, the meter doth have one, and as a consequence, bringeth such woe to the supply department.
TARRY not among those who engage in intentional shocks, for they are surely non-believers and are not long for this world.
TAKE care thou tampereth not with interlocks and safety devices, for this will incur the wrath of thy seniors and bringeth the fury of the safety officer down about thy head and shoulders.
WORK thou not on energized equipment, for if thou doeth, they buddies surely will be buying beers for thy widow and consoling her in other ways not generally acceptable to thee.
VERILY, verily I say unto thee, never service high-voltage equipment alone, for electric cooking is a slothful process, and thou might sizzle in thy own fat for hours before thy Maker sees fit to drag thee into His fold.
TRIFLE not with radioactive tubes and substances lest thou commence to glow in the dark like a lightning bug, and thy wife be frustrated nightly and have no further use for thee except as a nightlight.
COMMIT thou to memory the works of the prophets, which are written in the instruction books, which giveth the straight poop and which consoleth thee, and thou canst not make mistakes, all the days of thy life.
— KU5B