Originally published in the May 1988 issue of the Collector and Emitter.
(Special to C&E)
CALGARY — Moving with dazzling speed, Q. R. Zodd, AGA, the eatest DXer of all time flew out of Calgary this week on the way to the North Pole, site of his latest DX feat.
Zedd, who lives just a hoot and holler south of town, announced his plans recently in a press conference at home, Honor Roll Ranch. Official announcement was delayed by government censors.
Both the Defense Department and the CIA explained that Zedd’s DXpedition would use new equipment of his own design, and cited national security reasons for delaying announcement of his expedition until it was under way.
What a thrill it was for those of no lucky enough to be invited to Honor Roll for Zedd’s press conference.
There was the great man himself, perched in his rocking chair at the No. 1 operating position, Colorado Kool-Aid in one hand and mike in the other, the smoke from his Oom-Paul curling his head like a wreath. There was the darling Tondolayo, his blond, nubile bride, holding tiny son Zepp and working CW to Afghanistan. There was Momma Zedd, who had just blown in from Mena, Ark., her home, on her brand new Honda Interceptor, the red one with the after-burners. And there, even, was Homer Klott, the nerd whose insurmountable stupidity has thwarted the great man’s attempts to Elmer him into the greatest hobby of them all.
“My new feat of greatness,” Zedd announced, refiring his pipe, “will be a 24-hour DXpedition to the North Pole.”
There was a brief delay while both the Associated Press and Reuters fought over a telephone in order to call in bulletins. Your humble reporter attempted a “Stop the Presses!” call to WA5ZNF on two meters. FBI agents stopped all three attempted calls by beating up on the press, then issuing handouts explaining that everything was under news embargo until the DXpedition was actually under way.
The president, the FBI added, had suspended all constitutional guarantees in order to preserve the American Way of Life.
While we pondered that one, Zedd got his pipe going real nicely, filling the hamshack at Honor Roll with the redolent aroma of his prized latakia tobacco, which, as aficianados know, is roasted over camel dung in Arabian tents.
“We are going to try to work 100 K in our 24-hour stay at the North Pole,” Zedd told us. “Momma will work CW, and so will Tondelayo. I will work mostly 20-meter phone, in order to give more people the thrill of hearing: my voice.
“We will work with minimum equipment.
“We’re taking young Zepp (age 1) along for his experience. We are also taking Homer, who ought to be a real help setting up tents, digging a latrine, and so forth.”
At this point, Homer Klott, wearing his 10-4 Good Buddy tee shirt and nifty cap with the rotating propellor, started yelling something about “Home’s Law.” An FBI man knocked him down and beat him severely.
“We figure,’ add added, that nobody has ever made so many contacts from the North Pole, with the possible exception of Santy Claus, and nobody else on the globe is qualified to do it. So like some of my other exploits, I owe it to the little people of the world to do this.” E
verybody was thrilled, and there were a lot of questions, but most of it remains classified.
Two days later, while Zedd was out in the hangar tuning up a special small jet aircraft of his own design for the journey northward, an old DX rival dropped a veritable bombshell halfway around the world.
In Moscow, Tass announced that Boris Badenov, ace Soviet DXer, would also mount a North Pol DXpedition. Badenov is to be accompanied by his QSL secretary from Box 88, Natasha Bullwinkle, and a “small team of experts from the Russian Army station in Stalingrad,” the announcement said.
It was unclear then – and Is unclear at this writing if Badenov’s challenge is a relatively friendly attempt to compete with Zedd, head-to-head. If Badenov’a party attempts to take the North Pole site away from Zedd’s party, it may be dirty pool.
Zedd flew his team to Calgary only days ago. The trip and outfitting in Calgary were routine except that Homer fell out of the airplane once while it was taxiing, fell down in the motel, fell in the bathtub and destroyed his rubber duck, and got run over by a truck on one of the city’s busier streets.
Asked how he felt, Homer told the assembled world press: “1 feel 10-4 and over, good buddy! I feel shazam! I are thrilled outta my britches! Wow and golly, I are going on a DXpedition with my hero, Q! How do you copy, over and out?”
Zedd confided to this reporter that he hoped the expedition would do Homer a world of good.
“It might be the making of him,” said the great man. And after all, how much damage can one man do at the North Pole?”
We wondered if the ozone layer was in danger.
Meanwhile, we worried, too, about Badenov and the Russians.
Clearly this was going to be a serious expedition.
By the luck of the draw, and a large bribe to certain persons in power, this reporter won the right to accompany the expedition right to the the Pole, and record events for history.
Thus it was, that on a cold day last week, our little party boarded the special arctic-design jet, trundled onto the runway, and rocketed into the chill dawn sky.
We were on our way!
— KU5B